Providing Compassionate Support

Supporting a loved one experiencing grief and loss can be a challenging task. Grief is deeply personal and what might work for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another. Knowing how to approach someone who is grieving requires empathy, patience, and sensitivity, but it can help you provide the compassionate support they need during this difficult time.

The Importance of Support During Grief

Grief can feel incredibly isolating, and having a support system is crucial for emotional healing. In their article, “Health Outcomes of Bereavement,” Stroebe, Schut, & Stroebe state that social support significantly reduces symptoms of depression and anxiety in grieving individuals*. Your willingness to reach out and offer support can make a significant difference in your loved one’s journey through grief.

How to Approach Someone Who Is Grieving

1. Acknowledge the Loss: Start by acknowledging their loss. A simple, heartfelt statement such as “I’m so sorry for your loss” can show that you care and are aware of their pain. While some folks may think bringing up a recent loss may be too painful for the bereaved, pretending the loss didn’t happen can actually make the grieving person feel more isolated.
2. Listen Actively: One of the most important things you can do is to listen. Allowing the bereaved to express their feelings without interruption or judgment will make them feel seen and heard. Active listening means giving them your full attention, nodding, and providing verbal affirmations like “I understand” or “That sounds really hard.”
3. Offer Your Presence: Sometimes, just physically being there is enough. Sit with them, hold their hand, or give them a hug if they’re comfortable with it. Your presence can be a powerful source of support.
4. Avoid Clichés and Platitudes: Phrases like “They’re in a better place” or “Everything happens for a reason” can feel dismissive and invalidate someone’s grief. Instead, offer sincere expressions of empathy, such as “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you” or “I’m here for you.”
5. Encourage Expression of Emotions: Encourage your loved one to talk about their feelings and memories of the deceased. Sharing stories and emotions can be an important part of the healing process. In their article “Continuing Bonds and Reconstructing Meaning” Neimeyer, Baldwin, & Gillies (2006) found that expressing emotions and recounting memories can facilitate coping and adjustment to loss**.
6. Be Patient and Accepting: Grief is not a linear process, and everyone experiences it differently. Be patient with your loved one’s process and accept that their timeline for healing may be different from what you expect. Avoid pushing them to “move on” or “get over it” before they are ready to do so.

Practical Tips for Supporting Someone Through Grief

• Check In Regularly: Continue to check in on them, even after the initial shock has passed. Grief can persist long after the funeral, and your ongoing support can be invaluable.
• Offer Specific Help: Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” offer specific ways you can help, such as bringing a meal, helping with chores, or running errands. This makes it easier for them to accept help.
• Respect Their Boundaries: Understand that there may be times when they need space. Respect their boundaries and let them know you’re there whenever they’re ready to talk or need support.
• Encourage Professional Help: If they seem to be struggling significantly or for a prolonged period, gently suggest seeking professional help. Grief counseling or therapy can provide additional support and coping strategies.

How Empathy Can Help People Heal

Empathy is crucial when supporting someone who is grieving. Empathy involves putting yourself in their shoes and trying to understand their feelings and experiences. By showing empathy, you validate their emotions and help them feel less alone in their grief.

In my work with clients, those who report having a strong support system are better able to navigate their grief without feeling so alone. While grief can make anyone feel isolated from others who have not experienced that particular grief, those folks who spoke about friends and family taking the time to listen to them or who offered concrete support were able to see that they weren’t really alone.

Talking to someone who is experiencing grief and loss requires empathy, patience, and a willingness to listen. By acknowledging their loss, offering your presence, and encouraging the expression of emotions, you can provide the compassionate support they need to navigate their grief. If you’re supporting someone who is grieving, remember that your efforts are meaningful and appreciated, even if they don’t always show it.

For more resources on grief, check out our Resouces page!

*Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Stroebe, W. (2007). Health outcomes of bereavement. The Lancet, 370(9603), 1960-1973. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(07)61816-9

**Neimeyer, R. A., Baldwin, S. A., & Gillies, J. (2006). Continuing bonds and reconstructing meaning: Mitigating complications in bereavement. Death Studies, 30(8), 715-738. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481180600848322